How To Meditate Properly

For the last week or so, me and the clients in the VIP Phase of my Total Body Transformation program have been working on meditating every day. At this point in time, the benefits of meditation are widely known. It’s definitive: meditation helps! But over the years, I’ve had many clients flat out tell me that meditation doesn’t work for them. They just can’t do it. Some even say it makes them more stressed out!

Let’s think of this differently: if you came to me and told me you couldn’t ride a bike, or you couldn’t lift a dumbbell, or you couldn’t walk around the block, the first thing I would do is ask to see you try (unless you had a cast on or something!). Because, after 20+ years as a Strength & Conditioning coach, I’ve found that when people think they can’t, they usually don’t actually know how!

And I think a lot of people don’t actually know how to meditate properly! But it’s kinda hard for me as a coach to get into your brain and watch you do it. So, rather than watch and critique your mediation “form”, I thought we could walk through the proper way to do it, and hopefully you can give it a go on your own! And let me also say, the benefits of meditation are pretty clear at this point, and I truly believe anyone and everyone can learn to meditate. 

First, let’s explain what meditation is or, more importantly, what it’s not. Meditation isn’t about “clearing your mind” or not having any thoughts. The goal of meditation is not to turn off your brain; the goal is to practice Focus. And when I say practice I mean just that: we will never be perfect; there is no perfect! Each and every time we sit down to meditate, we’re just practicing it. But what do I mean when I say Focus? Well, we’ll get to that in a bit!

Let’s start by talking a bit about how we should be set up for meditation. Ideally we are sitting in a chair, in an upright position. We want to avoid sitting on the floor or a stool or anything without back support. That’s because, if I’m not in a chair or on a couch or somewhere with support, eventually my core and back will tire from being in the same position, and then I’ll be focusing on my position rather than my meditation. So using a chair means our body has one less thing to think about.

We want to avoid laying down (unless we’re doing a sleep meditation) so that our body knows it’s not time to doze off. This is important, and we’ll talk about this a bit more in a minute. We also want to be somewhere relatively quiet. Of course, the sounds of life may be all around you, but we want to be away from the dinging of our phone, requests from our kids or partners, and all that kinda stuff. It’s also a good idea to make sure we haven’t just had a big heavy meal. If you recently had a smoothie or a light snack, that’s fine, but try and avoid finishing a meal and going right into meditation.

Once you’ve found your position, it’s important to remember you don’t need to be rigid throughout the practice. If you notice an itch, scratch it! If you feel the need to readjust, do it! Even if you feel the need to open your eyes for a few seconds, go ahead! While we are aiming to be focused, it doesn’t mean we have to be “stuck” in a position the entire time.

Before we meditate, it’s good to take just 30 seconds to sit, with eyes closed, and take a few deep breaths. Just 30 seconds to separate us from whatever we were doing beforehand so we are prepared mentally and physically for the meditation. We don’t want to run in from dropping the kids at soccer, and jump into our meditation. We give ourselves that 30 seconds to be prepared.

Once we’re ready, we can close our eyes. This, coupled with sitting upright, sends interesting information to our brain: by being upright in a seated position, our body knows it’s not time for sleep - we’re still awake and aware. But closing our eyes tells us that we are safe and we do not need to keep our energy and awareness on external things. This unique combination of eyes closed, while seated, tells our bodies that it’s time to turn inward; that we don’t need to be hypervigilant about the world around us, we can Focus internally. 

And that word, Focus, is what meditation is all about. But don’t be confused, it’s not about maintaining constant Focus, it’s about practicing Focus.

While your eyes are closed, and you’re seated in a chair in an upright position, you will begin your meditation. This might be a guided meditation you do with me on the app, it might be silent meditation you do while saying a mantra or something similar. Whatever it is, you will start by focusing. Either on my voice if it’s guided, or on your mantra. And as you are focusing, thoughts will float into your mind.

This is the point where many people start to get frustrated. They don’t want other thoughts: they want to focus on their meditation! But these thoughts are exactly what we want to happen. They will happen on your first meditation and they will happen if you’re still meditating 25 years from now. Thoughts are not something to be avoided. This is what the brain does. If you try to turn off your thoughts, you will be fighting a losing battle!

The thoughts might stay with you for some time, or they may be brief and lead you to other thoughts, but the key is: once you recognize that you’re having a thought, you will simply tell yourself “this is something I can think about later” and you will return your Focus. Now you might return to your Focus for only a second or two before another thought pops into your mind. And you may find that you are dwelling on that thought for a few seconds or a few minutes before you remember that you need to return to your Focus. When you do remember, simply tell yourself “this is something I can think about later” and you will return to your Focus.

This is the cycle of meditation. It’s not about increasing the time between thoughts or working towards no thoughts, it’s simply about recognizing them when they float in, and letting them float out. And throughout this process, something else is happening. While we gently ebb and flow between our thoughts and our focus, our subconscious has also recognized that 1. Your eyes are closed; and 2. You are seated in a chair in an upright position; It knows you are safe and aware, and it will start releasing and decompressing. You likely won’t even notice this, as you’ll be riding the wave of the cycle. So while you are moving between thoughts and Focus, your subconscious is unpacking things and cleaning house. I like to imagine that my subconscious asks my thoughts to take stuff with them as they float out! Again, you may not be actively thinking about the things you’re decompressing from, but it’s happening. 

And it is through this decompression that we gain the most significant benefit of meditation: Deep Rest. And with Deep Rest comes increased capacity.

Through this process, we allow the body to find true rest. Sleep can be restful, but it isn’t always. During sleep the body is doing a lot of different work all at once, and some of that can be intense! We’ve all had those mornings where we wake up exhausted and don’t know why. Meditation provides deep rest. And as a result, it’s greatest gift is that it increases our capacity. It provides us with energy. Not false energy like caffeine, but true energy. It offers us balance.

Some studies show that it’s best to meditate twice a day, for 20 minutes each time. Once, first thing upon waking, and once in the afternoon. I know people who do it at work, as soon as their work day is done. So, they stay at the office from 5 to 5:25, and then head home. Several of my employees do it at 3pm, when they traditionally would feel a lull in energy. Instead of having an afternoon coffee, they’ve turned to meditation and have reaped the rewards.

I know several of you are already saying “I don’t have the time.” But that is the secret of meditation: by spending 20 minutes, twice a day, on it, you gain back hours in your week. One of my employees found that, after dinner, she needed to just sit on the couch. It was like her day came crashing down on her: get up, get the kids ready for school, get to work, get the kids, get dinner ready! And then, crash!

After doing regular meditation, she found that, not only did the crash not happen, she had more energy to do things. She started walking after dinner with her family, then she was diving into bedtime duties with gusto: helping the kids and reading to them before bed. Whereas normally, reading to the kids meant fighting to not fall asleep, now, she was wide awake, doing voices for the characters and everything!

She and her husband also started putting one evening away for themselves. They would take a class together or host friends for a games night. She said she didn’t realize how much time she actually had in the day! Now she actually had the energy to do things, rather than to just sit on the couch and watch TV or scroll through instagram.

So if you think you don’t have the time, be honest with yourself. Take a look at your day. 20 minutes is one episode of a sitcom. How much time do you spend scrolling on social media? If you can sit and watch TV for 20 minutes, you can definitely sit and meditate. And once you start, you’ll never want to stop.

And that’s all you need. There’s no real need to increase to 40 minutes twice a day or anything. 20 minutes twice a day produces the best results! And for those of you who are still hesitant about the time commitment, that’s okay! We can start with 2 minutes! Expose yourself to the process, enjoy it, and grow with it.

The biggest thing to remember is there’s no such thing as a “bad” meditation session. If you’ve sat in a chair, with your eyes closed, you’ve succeeded. Having thoughts isn’t bad, it’s part of the back and forth nature of meditation. If you spent 19 minutes of your meditation in thought, and only remembered to focus for the last 1 minute, that is success. That’s how meditation works. So there is no competition, there is no judgement. Sit with yourself, close your eyes, and go through the process.

Someone once told me that they imagined Meditation to be the moment when your subconscious mind connects with all the other “Yous” in the multiverse. And it learns from them. It finds the calmest you, the most confident you, the funniest you and they all share their tips and tricks subconsciously. You tap into the experience and strength that is already there, and learn from yourself, or yourselves I suppose!

Hey! If you enjoyed that, head over to our homepage and learn more about Simone’s Total Body Transformation program!! Click HERE to go there now!

Have you downloaded the Total Body Transformation App yet? If not, get on it!! Check out all that TBT has to offer!